Turns out the richest man on planet Earth reads a lot of books. Or at least that’s what the Intergalactic Business Report discovered when it sent its top writers on a mission to find out just what the eccentric billionaire has in his book collection. We were shocked. And a little surprised. But believe it or not* these are the stories, novels, and non-fiction works that Musk reads every day.
1. Big Titties: a pop-up view book.
Despite its suggestive title, this book also focuses on breasts that aren’t that big. Warning: when you open chapter five—Brenda’s Bouncing Triple Gs—you get hit in the face.
2. Only I may read this.
This book is so exclusive only Elon Musk is allowed to read it.
3. Robot Viking Booty Warrior.
This novel chronicles the adventures of Fyornstad Gruenstein, an ancient Viking who is resurrected by scientists in the year 2176 to star in his own talk show. Unfortunately, no one can communicate with him through speech since he can only talk with a lost language, so he just fucks things.
4. Bold inventions of the Kitty Empire.
Here we see stuff kittens have invented, like string they pulled from a ball of yarn and a dead bird wing.
5. Emperor Gorgon X’s command book for Elon Musk.
This is just a huge list of shit that Musk must get done for someone called Emperor Gorgon X. Example: “Prepare Earth for my arrival. I’m putting a lot of trust in you, man. Take it seriously, all right?”
6. How to make up cool-sounding shit that you’ll never actually do.
A guide for constructing big ideas that appear amazing but are actually total bullshit, this book instructs readers how they can take part A (I have a vision/plan/idea for the future), add it to part B (And that is that we will all be able to travel/communicate/trade/store things in) and then tack on part C (using giant rubber bands/telepathic brain plugs/space currency/your mom’s butt).
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.