Ever have a friend tell you about some movie you just need to watch because it’s so important/awesome/life-changing? Do you sit there nodding your head while he/she keeps talking about it till you say, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll go see it,” but they keep talking about it anyway? Next time, be armed with your own obscure list of films no one’s ever heard of. Here’s seven of them, plots included:
1. Wickersham. This is the true story of Henry Wickersham, a nineteenth century inventor who became the world’s first astronaut, because he spelled it “ass” tronaut, and it meant, at that time, to simply be really into anal sex.
2. Watch out! Boris Netaly’s first feature film about a boy who throws objects at people’s heads, this black and white feature has no speaking roles – only the sounds of anguish as random men and women are pelted by little Yuri’s rocks, pipes, and hardened cow turds.
3. Knob Turners. Almost impossible to find today, Knob Turners is primarily about different hands turning different door knobs. While this sounds a bit odd, or even boring at first glance, in hour two there is a surprise* which makes the film worth it.
4. Journey to my Bunghole, by Fred Robertson. In this, Fred Roberston of Clifford California shares the tape of his colonoscopy. Again, sounds boring, but at one point, it looks like there are tiny men living inside his poop shoot. After closer examination, they’re not. It was just some shit floating around.
5. Dancing for my life. In this four-and-a-half-hour epic, dance instructor Kristie Ellsworth decides that if she stops dancing, she dies. This is because a charming dance student told her that if “you lose your dream, you die.” Her dream is to dance. So… After about four hours, she just gives up and realizes she was kind of taking what he said too literally.
6. Glory hole: a Love Story. Maybe the most controversial film in this group, Glory hole focuses on an 80’s heavy metal band of the same name. The plot involves what happens when they find out what the name of their band actually means and how it’s weird because they were all super into glory holes, had them built into their homes, met each other through them, but just never knew what they were called.
7. Geppetto, Origins. Before Geppetto built Pinocchio, he was just another high school kid who was into wooden puppets. This film examines how “Gep,” as he is called by his teenage friends, takes one last road trip with his buddies that will change his life forever, mostly because he kills them all in a motel and then builds wooden replicas of them, including of his best friend, Penn Ocheo, whose constant lying enraged Gep enough to turn to murder.
*The knob is turned by someone wearing a red glove. Then the rest of the film is just regular knob turning with regular hands. Some people have speculated that the red glove represents God.
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