8 goofy new fads that are sweeping the nation, courtesy of the Coronavirus.

As the Coronavirus spreads over the country like a soft, cozy blanket with a disease in it, Americans are responding with some inventive new fads that were previously reserved for only the most normal, average people. 
 
In the coming days, you may hear about friends amusing themselves with these 8 coronavirusy dalliances.  
 
 
1. “Affording.”
This luxurious new trend is where you are able to buy something you need.  
 
2. “Having a job.”
This old school curiosity takes place when you are paid money to do work for somebody else.
 
3. “Eating food.”
Practitioners of this craze find food and put it in their mouths. Then they chew and swallow it. 
 
4. “Leaving your house.”
This involves leaving your home and going somewhere that’s not your home.
 
5. “Paying for stuff.”
Like “affording” above, this has to do with what you use when you afford. Some people “pay” with cash (paper money) and others use “credit,” which is like a promise to pay for stuff later. People have “credit cards,” which work for a couple months and then stop working so you have to use a different one after that.
 
6. “Breathing fresh air.”
This is where you suck in oxygen that isn’t the oxygen in your house or apartment. It’s totally different because when you breathe it you don’t feel like someone farted dog hair in your mouth.
 
7. “Not thinking you’re going to die.”
Instead of how you usually feel, you think for a few moments that you’re not going to somehow die of Coronavirus. It’s a cool feeling. Then it goes away. Kind of like smoking crack.
 
8. “Wiping your ass with imaginary toilet paper.”
Imaginary toilet paper never runs out. You just pretend you’re using it and you can use as much as you want. “Hey! Stop wasting all that toilet paper! Oh… It’s imaginary! Keep wiping!”