Poems. Nobody really likes them because to understand them you need an interpreter with a Ph.D. who smokes a pipe after having sex with his students he promised A’s but only gave C’s, because that’s the only way he can get an erection.
To remedy this, the Intergalactic Business Report’s own Cedric Bigglestone re-imagines poetry they made you read in high school in a way that makes sense for today’s world. Below is his first entry:
Original poem (pretty much). The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
New, more relevant version. Handling my junk, by Cedric Bigglestone.
“I woke up this morning and stood over the toilet,
Two roads of pee diverged in a yellow stream,
And be one penis, long I stood,
And looked down one as it sprayed against the wall,
To where it splattered in a direction that made no fucking sense.
Two streams diverged from my penis, and I--
I stopped pissing for a second, hoping they would finally be just one stream of urine,
And that has made all the difference, because after getting enough out, I was able to pee in a straight line and get the rest of it in the toilet,
Even though the wall was covered in pee.”
Cedric Bigglestone is a self-taught journalist, and poet. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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