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Keeping you cultured for real

Don’t watch these movies about viruses and epidemics.

3/20/2020

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Recently, movies like “Outbreak” and “Contagion” have topped viewer lists on Netflix and other streaming channels. Now, public agencies are recommending you steer clear of such angst-producing films.

To help with this warning, the Intergalactic Business Report issues its own list of movies you definitely shouldn’t watch during the Coronavirus pandemic.

1. Freakout (1985). In this thriller, a virus shaped like a crown kills everyone on the planet, but before it does, everyone freaks out and hoards food, which they never get to eat, because they all die.

2. Everyone is Going to Die (2012). This film, from cult director Antonio Derencino, takes place in the year 2020 and centers around a mysterious virus that kills everyone on the planet. At first, everyone thinks it’s just like the flu. But then, later, everyone dies.

3. Damn! (1993). In a fictional America circa 2020, people regret all they could have done to prevent a deadly virus from killing everyone. Most of them say, “Damn!” in anger just before succumbing to the disease and dying.

4. Quarantine Adventure (1936). A little-known Jules Verne novel is remade to show a family who self-quarantines themselves on a floating balloon house as the rest of humanity dies below them from a mysterious virus. Spoiler: the balloon crashes at the end and they all die.

5. There is No Hope (2003). German director Alfons Durbrecht’s prescient contribution to cinema history explores people of a future society (in the year 2020) who build houses out of toilet paper they believe is magic and will protect them from a deadly plague. Spoiler: they all die and no one lives long enough to use all the tp.

6. Supermarket Mayhem (1989). Shoppers in a futuristic grocery store (in the year 2020) are told that everything there will never be re-supplied, and they must fight each other for peanut butter and soup cans. At the end, we find out that the reason nothing will be re-supplied is because there’s a deadly plague outside, which kills everyone anyway.
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7. Don’t Touch Your Face (1967). In this dystopian drama, citizens in the year 2020 may not touch their faces for fear of immediately being executed by King Corona, a warlord/computer who rules over them and hates when people touch their faces. In the end, most people touch their faces by accident and are annihilated.

​8. Lockdown! (1954). In the year 2020, society is ordered to go on a full lockdown to combat a biblical-type plague that threatens everyone. Families are forced to play Parcheesi and Backgammon to pass the time, but the time keeps getting longer and longer till they realize the lockdown is permanent.
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  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
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  • Mommy's Drunk again
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