Ed Mountaineer reveals why he will never work with Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Walhberg, Artist's depiction.

Ed Mountaineer seldom talks about his relationships with celebrities and is known to be secretive and evasive when asked. Today he breaks his silence and finally reveals why he will never work with Mark Wahlberg.
 
(From Ed Mountaineer):
 
Dear readers:
 
For years people have asked me who I like working with in Hollywood the most. They want to know stories about famous actors, models, and other celebrities. They want to know the dirt, the drama, the stuff their publicists will never let you see.
 
Until now, I’ve never said anything about my friendships and personal experiences with these people and for good reason. First, you can get sued if you say something about them. Even if it’s true. Second, if you say too much, they might be embarrassed or offended, and that could hurt your career. 
 
I finally decided, however, that there was one person I would discuss because I will never ever work with him and I don’t care that he knows it.  That person is Mark Wahlberg. And these are the reasons we will never work together:
 
 
1. Mark Wahlberg doesn’t know who I am. It’s true. Mark wouldn’t recognize my name or face if you showed him a picture. 

2. I am not a big, fancy Hollywood star. Unlike Mark, who stars in movies and works out all the time, I don’t. This has contributed to a stark distance between us through the years. 

3. For his films, Mark works with “actors,” “producers,” and “directors.” I am none of those, thus limiting my chances to be near Mark in a professional capacity. 

4. Mark Wahlberg attends social events that I am not invited to. Imagine a beach house on the beach and a bunch of famous people drinking and talking to each other and me, not there. That’s the reality. 

5. Mark makes big money deals with other people who have a lot of money. Even if I wanted to make a big money deal with Mark, I would need to have big money to do it. That’s strike one. Strike two is that I would need to know where to meet Mark to even discuss a deal. I don’t have that information. Strike three. I’m out.  

6. Mark demands perfection from everyone around him. I guess. I wouldn’t really know because I’ve never met him or had anything to do with him, even indirectly. I’m assuming this because he looks super uptight—like the kind of guy who would scream at people if they weren’t perfect and say stuff like, “I demand perfection from everyone around me!” Again, just pure conjecture. But what a prick, right? 

7. When I extend my hand to high-five Mark, he doesn’t high-five me back. This is mainly because I’m in my apartment on a couch and he’s wherever he is. But still. At least high-five me back. No? Fine. I’ll never work with you. Ever.  

8. Mark is super into his family, which leaves no room for me. Selfish, right? I’m out here, all alone, and there he is, with his family. 

9. Mark’s whole identity is tied up in himself. I find this egotistical and sad. I also think it drives a wedge further between us since my identity is also so strongly centered on myself. So it’s more that we’re too alike and almost like brothers. Or he’s my dad or I’m his dad or something like that.  
 
Thank you, 
 
Ed Mountaineer