Exclusive television news: Vanderpump Rules uses alternative universes to trick “characters” into believing they are poor bartenders and waitresses.
In what may be one of the most stunning developments in both modern science and reality television, the Intergalactic Business Report reveals today that the popular BRAVO t.v. show “Vanderpump Rules” is indeed making use of alternative universes to exploit its cast.
For years, other news sources have scoffed at the idea that a television program could have the technology or scientific knowledge to actually cross into different dimensions and snatch “versions” of people for use on their show. But new sources and reportage have confirmed what many at the Intergalactic Business Report had believed, but could not prove, for quite some time.
Below we answer the essential questions surrounding this controversy and sinister technological breakthrough.
The chilling, terrifying truth behind Vanderpump Rules
When “Vanderpump” rules first aired, it focused on the lives of several part-time models/bartenders/waitresses who all worked at a restaurant for the titular Lisa Vanderpump.
What could have been a simple and annoying show turned dark when Ms. Vanderpump used a portal to other universes to grab versions of Jax, James Kennedy, Tom Sandoval, Tom Schwartz, and the guy who manages the bar but whose name nobody can remember. But why did she do this?
Our source tells us that once the show received positive ratings, her “characters” could not realistically be portrayed year after year as broke restaurant workers. A scientific friend of hers suggested the alternative reality scheme, which she at first could not believe, till she saw it in practice.
Her friend was able to pull a version of Jax from a different reality and send the Jax from our world to his. Since the realities were close enough, the Jax’s who were switched hardly knew what happened and went on with their lives. The one key difference was that the “new” Jax was a broke bartender and part-time model. The old Jax was a broke bartender, part-time model, and reality television star. But old Jax was gone.
Ms. Vanderpump immediately saw this as an opportunity to harvest characters who were unaware of their fame and who would not ask for exorbitant contracts to continue their roles on her program. This worked with mixed results. Our source described the following glitches that took place:
1. In a reality from which he was stolen, Jax is one of the world’s greatest quantum-physicists whose intelligence grows proportionately to the number of years he remains celibate. This caused huge problems on the set as he began to figure out not only how the portal worked, but also that in his current universe he was perceived as being very close to the stupidest human being on Earth as well as a walking, talking penis.
2. Similarly, James Kennedy in alternative universe XB9 is a super cool person who cares about feelings and is the perpetual employee of the month at a music school for deaf children. On set, XB9 James was encouraged to be a dick and drink too much, but after becoming sloshed, he would only try to hug everyone while giving them compliments.
3. Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval in universe 7series9 are a couple. Because of this, their characters basically stayed the same and there was no perceived difference between them and non-gay Tom and Tom.
4. The bar manager from universe Hapatia90 is actually on Vanderpump Rules in his world, but he is the main character. This caused a major calamity when he revealed he was getting paid $150,000 per episode and the show name was "Vanderpump and Madrigal Rules" where he was from. People just looked at each other and asked, “What’s a Madrigal?”
5. No women were brought from other universes after an experiment bringing Stassi79 to our world revealed that she was a fascist dictator who actually murdered any political opposition.
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