Greatest book ever? An excerpt from Ed Mountaineer’s new novel, More Cushion Please.

NOTE THAT THIS EXCERPT IS TAKEN FROM A RANDOM PAGE OF ED’S NOVEL. THE EDITORS BELIEVE THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO SHOW HIS TALENT. BECAUSE OF THIS, IT MAY NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. SORRY.
 
 
“Hahaaaaaaaaa,” laughed Stanley, pleased with his victory over the Ms. Pacman machine. But each time he won, she came back again, hungry for more, pushing him more. If only he could have sex with her the way he had with the space invaders…
 
“Wake up!” shouted Bella, who had crept up next to him. “We’re gonna be late for Slamfest!”
 
Stanley remembered what she was talking about. Slamfest. The biggest orgy in Beavertown. Last year, his tickets had been revoked when corrupt officials prevented him from entering. Randy Fuhstinkin and his crew were let in. So were all the others. And Stanley had waited outside all night, his dick in his hand, literally and figuratively.
 
“I only go to orgies where we’ve signed a contract first,” Stanley stated boldly.
 
Bella seemed confused. “Orgy? I’m talking about a poetry slam.”
 
At that moment, Stanley realized why he’d been banned last year from Slamfest. 
 
 
HERE’S ANOTHER EXCERPT:
 
“You have such tiny balls,” the hooker said.
 
“Don’t look at them!” Stanley menaced.
 
“But you just paid me twenty dollars and said, ‘look at my tiny balls.’”
 
“Arrgghhh!” Stanley shouted as he destroyed his Happy Days lunch box.
 
“They’re not that small,” she said, trying to make him feel better.
 
“No. No, I want you to tell me they’re small and then I freak out. That’s how it works!”
 
ONE MORE EXCERPT:
 
Stanley scanned the banana factory. He was in range for a kill shot if Michael Dragonion ever showed his face. For now, Stanley would just need to crouch behind the nearest bunch of yellow nature schlongs and bide his time.
 
And then… Dragonion appeared. Nope. That wasn’t him. Stanley continued to wait. Until… Finally… Nope. Not him either. Fuck this.
 
 
Look for Ed’s book everywhere soon. We’ll be publishing more teasers as we get close to a release date. In the meanwhile, we hope this has whetted your appetite, whatever that means.
 
-The editors.