The writers’ strike is hitting us hard—you could even say it’s pounding us mercilessly while we strangely beg for more—and even though there may be an end in sight, we won’t be able to walk straight when it’s over.
As major television shows are delayed and postponed and movie productions stall, an under-the-radar crisis of humanity is also taking place as the adult entertainment industry must contend with making porno content sans writers. Today, the Intergalactic Business Report goes balls deep to reveal how the strike is changing the smut Americans have taken for granted.
8 ways the writers’ strike is affecting the adult entertainment industry.
1. The upcoming film, “Nasty Girls European Adventure,” is now just “Nasty Girls Having Sex in a Nondescript Room with no Dialogue.” At least they're still nasty.
2. New porn star Rick Bonerstorm is now just “Man with penis.” And instead of saying stuff like, “Taste my sweet meat treat,” and “Here comes the D train!” he’ll just introduce himself with a polite handshake and kind of shrug.
3. Production of the streaming clip “Nerdy guy fucks hot chick,” is now just “guy has sex (with female)” and the plot is that two people have sex on a couch in a room that has no significance other than it has a couch.
4. No one can fake a British accent anymore.
5. The seven-minute monologue on “Thanatos and Eros” that was to be read by Harry Dick Stuffing was never completed and now there will be an awkward jump cut between the scene where he has sex with a skanky woman and the scene where he has sex with a skanky woman.
6. Penthouse forum is now just actual letters from real people who always thought the letters in Penthouse forum were fake until last weekend, when something crazy happened to them.
7. Boner Magazine has delayed part nine of its Climate Crisis Investigation series, that experts were hoping would reveal breakthrough guidance for securing the longevity of life on our planet.
8. Shakespearian porn, “MacBitch” will lose all connection to the original play except that it will have the prefix “Mac” in the title and is filmed inside a McDonald’s.
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.