Not sure how to deal with front desk hotel clerks? Don’t know the secret to getting free stuff, upgrades, and better sheets? The Intergalactic Business Report releases seven of its secret methods to use on your next stay.
1. When the person at the front desk welcomes you, just say, “I’m super rich and I’ll pay any price for the finest room you have.” Usually they’ll upgrade you.
2. Offer to suck someone’s dick. Not for money. But for a nicer room. Say you’ll do it somewhere private. Not in the lobby. Say you’ll do other sex stuff too if they don’t seem to be interested.
3. Pretend you’re related to the hotel’s owner by saying, for example, “I am personal friends with Thelonius Farbrush Sheraton and he told me to mention his name for a better room. If they don’t upgrade you after that, just offer to suck their dick.
4. Describe how many penises you can fit in your mouth at the same time. This will make you a “hotter commodity” to hotel clerks and up your chances of an upgrade by 2-6 %.
5. When they assign you a room, just look at the number and start screaming. When they ask what’s wrong, just say, “I want a better room.” If they don’t immediately give you one, just start screaming again.
6. Talk about how clean your penis is. This may make a difference in the negotiation.
7. Get about five fish sticks. Put them in your mouth and slowly walk up to the front desk. When they ask if you’re checking in, spit the fish sticks up on the desk. Then offer to suck their dick.
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