Intergalactic Business Report named #1 information source for planet Earth by everyone.

For the first year in a row, the Intergalactic Business Report has been named again as the number one source of information by everyone on the entire planet. While there was no formal voting and no official proclamations made, sources close to us revealed that every country and every inhabitant in those countries counted us as their most trusted resource for news, insights, and culture.
 
Supreme editor of the Intergalactic Business Report, Dusty Latouffe, claimed this as further proof that the New York Times, Entertainment Magazine, and every major news network can suck our collective dick, which would be a combination penis inspired by every editor, writer, and correspondent associated with our publication. 
 
Mr. Latouffe acknowledged that by including everyone’s penis in this collective, and making it a representation of not just above average and large penises, but also extremely small and unusably short penises, the actual combo dick could be rather small. 
 
“It was probably a bad idea to make the penis metaphor,” Mr. Latouffe concluded, and conceded that it would have been better to have said that the New York Times and others could “kiss our ass,” because several members of the IBR team have unusually huge asses and their collective butt would be very very large compared to the tiny penis he offered up first. 
 
He then stressed that this did not mean he was rescinding the command for the New York Times, Entertainment Magazine, and major news networks to suck IBR’s metaphorical dick.