If you haven’t heard of “Death Troll,” it’s because this underground, indie film hasn’t been released yet. But in a few short weeks, we believe this will be the most talked about movie of the summer. Here’s why:
1. The plot is beautifully constructed. Death Troll is the story of Martin Hillheimer, a lowly musician who finds a magic guitar that transforms him into the lead singer of a metal band called Death Troll. At the same time, a supernatural monster from Denmark is summoned accidentally by the band the first time they play together in Martin’s basement. What kind of monster is it? A death troll. The rest of the movie charts the actual death troll’s journey to kill and destroy each band member for usurping its name.
2. The actors show their sex organs. Spoiler alert! During the course of the film, some of the actors flash boobs and penises.
3. You think you know what’s going to happen, but you don’t. Spoiler alert #2! The death troll never gets out of Denmark because how would he? He’s seven foot five inches and a monster. He has no money, only the skulls of his victims, which are all arranged neatly in his cave. He tries to go to the airport to buy a plane ticket and he pulls out a bag full of human skulls and he’s shot by airport security, ending his journey forever.
4. The cinematography is stunning. One of the band member’s penises is shown for almost seven minutes. Also, there are some cool shots of the Copenhagen airport from the outside (they weren’t allowed to film on the inside and the scene of the troll trying to buy a plane ticket was shot in the garage where the band plays, which is totally a mindfuck because that’s where the troll is trying to get to, but can’t, but he’s there, only he isn’t, because it’s an airport).
5. The movie doesn’t bore you with time. Running at only 11.5 minutes, the movie is mostly that shot of the guy’s dick. The rest is the story of Martin and the band and the troll who gets killed in the airport. Also, someone flashes her boobs. You can be in and out of the movie theater in about fifteen minutes. That gives you the whole rest of the day to enjoy yourself.
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.