In the new golden age of television, there seem to be more shows than anyone can watch, binge, or even keep track of. Programs come and go and some are missed more than others. This week, the Intergalactic Business Report focuses on several series that were unceremoniously cancelled, leaving fans wondering the real reasons for their plugs being pulled.
As usual, we do what other publications can’t, and give you the deep, complicated reasons behind the decisions of high-level executives and creatives. See your favorite show below? We’ll tell you why it was really cancelled.
SHOW: Tommy’s Secret School Life.
PLOT: A children’s show about Tommy, an adult man, who dresses up like a 10-year-old to attend elementary school. He builds a club house in his backyard, which he says belongs to his parents, who actually died 27 years ago. Then he invites kids there to drink his “parent’s” beer and watch porn.
REAL REASON IT WAS CANCELLED: Tommy often goes on rants about Fidel Castro, and how awesome he was, which angered many viewers in the Miami market, prompting the network to pull the plug on this nascent series.
SHOW: The Fake Boyfriend Chronicles.
PLOT: Sassy teen Bedelia Wonder sells herself into prostitution for a chance to finally have a boyfriend, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time and with different people.
REAL REASON IT WAS CANCELLED: Bedelia smokes cigarettes, which offended many viewers.
SHOW: Der Hund Whisperer.
PLOT: Told from the perspective of Hitler’s dog, Blondi, this cartoon series focuses on the good times and the deep bond the canine experienced with the Fuhrer.
REAL REASON IT WAS CANCELLED: Some of the German jokes didn’t translate well in the English version.
SHOW: Big Nasty’s Showcase of Terrors.
PLOT: Real life reformed serial killer “Big Nasty” Durovich stalks would-be victims and tells the viewers in graphic detail how he would kill them if he were still doing that stuff.
REAL REASON IT WAS CANCELLED: The show’s major sponsor, a home improvement store where Big Nasty purchased much of his murder equipment, required him to wear a tee shirt with their name on it. Big Nasty felt this was “selling out” and quit the program to “go back to doing what he does best,” whatever that meant.
SHOW: Human Penis Slaps You.
PLOT: A man dressed as a human penis hunts people down in cities and then slaps them with his enormous body, before shouting his catch phrase: “You just got penis-slapped, bee-atch!”
REAL REASON IT WAS CANCELLED: Actor Philip Ratuliak, who plays the penis, was dissatisfied with his per-episode salary and quit, thus immediately ending production because he could not be replaced.
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