Someone died. That sucks. Don’t make it worse by saying any of these 7 common statements to the bereaving.
1. At least Cindy won’t be sucking random people’s dicks in heaven. Or maybe she will. I mean, there are a lot of dead people there, right?
2. Heaven is just a state of mind. So, in a way, Randy’s right there. In your mind. Can I say hello to him, please?
3. When we were in college, Jeff used to say he’d be surprised if he lived past the age of 25. So, he actually went beyond what he calculated.
4. It’s so funny, because when I heard Steve died, I immediately remembered the time he found that little kid’s wallet and took all the money from it and said, “I’m going to go to hell for this when I die.”
5. I’m sure Ryan’s up there somewhere passed out on a couch, still holding the tv remote, and doing absolutely nothing with his life. I mean his death, sorry.
6. Heather told me she cheated on you one time, but that it was a secret she was going to take to her grave. Well, there’s her grave.
7. I brought you this “death is good” tee shirt because Adam used to always wear that “life is good” shirt. Can we put this on his body?
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.