The 9 worst jokes from the semi-celebrity roasts you don’t see on t.v.

You may have seen a celebrity roast where pretty famous people are ridiculed by less famous people on t.v. and then everyone kind of laughs. What you’ve probably never seen are the untelevised roasts for extremely minor celebrities. 
 
Now the Intergalactic Business Report gives you the very worst jokes from these hard to find and see events. 
 
WORST JOKE ONE (from the roast of Flo from Progressive): “Hey, Flo. I also have a choose your own price tool. It’s called my penis.” 
 
WORST JOKE TWO (from the roast of Jared from Subway): “Hey, Jared, your name sounds like you’re a child molester.”
 
WORST JOKE THREE (from the roast of that guy from that thing): “I’m just going to come out and say it—that thing you’re in sucks.”
 
WORST JOKE FOUR (from the roast of the guy from the meme where he’s checking out that girl and his girlfriend is pissed): “My question is, why is your girlfriend so pissed off? It’s not like she’s really your girlfriend. She’s just a model who posed with you for a stock photo.”
 
WORST JOKE FIVE (from the roast of Jeff Penisface): “Jeff’s last name sounds like a face with a dick on it or a face that looks like a dick. Either way, it’s a stupid last name.”
 
WORST JOKE SIX (from the roast of that actor from the boner pill commercial): “Everyone must ask you, do you really use Cyalis because you can’t get an erection? Or do you pretend to use it because they paid you money to be in a commercial?” 
 
WORST JOKE SEVEN (from the roast of the hair model from the package of hair dye at that one supermarket): “Are all hair models crazy? Because you look crazy and so do all the other people on those hair dye boxes.”
 
WORST JOKE EIGHT (from the roast of minor league mascot Droddy the Penguin): “Do penguins have balls? Cause I’m looking at you and you don’t look like you have any. Any balls.”
 
WORST JOKE NINE (from the roast of the Hamburgler): “Why haven’t we seen you on t.v. in like twenty years? Answer: because you’re a child molester, like Jared from Subway.”