Vanderpump Rules star Tom Sandoval has been named one of the greatest human beings on Earth by the Intergalactic Business Report.
This coveted honor places Sandoval in a pantheon of others selected in past years, including Harry Reams, Bonafacia El Trudio-Holgate Destaria, and Adrian Zmed.
After months of kind of watching Sandoval’s show, IBR judges were struck by an episode in which Sandoval gives his thankless friend, Jax Taylor, a Randy Jackson signed samurai sword. This gesture, wasted on Taylor, was immediately considered the greatest act of human ingenuity and awesomeness in the history of mankind.
HOW THE CONTEST WORKS:
The Intergalactic Business Report’s judges secretly scour the planet in search of people they believe may qualify. Most years, no one reaches the magnitude of greatness needed to win, and the prize goes unawarded.
UNLIKE ANY OTHER YEAR IN THE CONTEST’S HISTORY:
Thirty-four of the thirty-six judges nominated Tom Sandoval. The remaining two judges were split between British acting great Phil Collins and Phillipino pornstar Chongo Alvarez. Says one judge, “I don’t even know who Jax Taylor is, but he was given a gift on par with the holy grail and treated it like someone handed him an Outback Steakhouse coupon.”
WHAT DOES SANDOVAL WIN?
Most important, Sandoval wins a seat on the Intergalactic Council of Greatest Human Beings Ever. That’s pretty much it. There is no monetary prize because money is considered tacky by our panel of judges. If Sandoval declines the award, it goes directly to Chongo Alvarez, who’s been lobbying for this for years.
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