Ever wonder how you got your last name? Wonder how others got theirs? Today, the Intergalactic Business Report delves deep into what your name actually means, based on history and language.
LAST NAME: Dickinson.
MEANING: Son of a dick.
ORIGIN: If you were a total dick and had a son, this is what his last name would be.
LAST NAME: Dildotester.
MEANING: One who tests dildoes.
ORIGIN: Someone (your relatives?) had to test them to make sure they worked, right?
LAST NAME: Hookersassistant.
MEANING: Not a hooker, but the one who helps the hooker out.
ORIGIN: Long ago, prostitutes needed a “squire” who would carry their stuff for them and do their makeup. That was your ancestor.
LAST NAME: Fruitfucker.
MEANING: Someone who has sex with fruit.
ORIGIN: In ancient times, criminals used fruit to get off. They were banished for ruining all the produce and then went out and had babies when they used real genitalia for sex. You are the result of that.
LAST NAME: Shitstealer.
MEANING: If you take a dump and don’t clean it up, a shitstealer might take it.
ORIGIN: Feces must have been valuable at some point, because this surname suggests a whole group of people stole it and did it so often they were given this last name.
LAST NAME: Assmuncher.
MEANING: We can’t figure this one out.
LAST NAME: Penisface.
MEANING: Your face looks like a penis.
ORIGIN: Look at your face. Does it look like a penis? Probably does because why would you have that last name if it didn’t?
LAST NAME: Shitforbrains.
MEANING: Instead of a brain, there’s just a pile of shit inside your head.
ORIGIN: Someone in your family died along time ago and they opened up his skull as part of an autopsy. Shit poured out. They said, “Wow, this guy has shit for brains.” That guy was your great great great great great grandfather.
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.