As of January 1, the Dutch government declared they will no longer recognize “Holland” as synonymous with “the Netherlands.” Unfortunately, this short-sighted move has far-reaching ramifications for our planet. We list them below:
1. Hollandaise sauce will now be known as, “Nether Scrunch Feed.”
2. British actor Tom Holland is now “Tom the Netherlands.”
3. The city of Holland, Michigan, in the United States, will be destroyed by the Dutch army, leaving only a crater and some stray Mentos.
4. For now, Dutch Boy paint is safe. As is the “Dutch oven.” But some experts worry that the Netherlands will soon also ban the term “Dutch,” returning the Dutch oven to its clinical name of “fart containment chamber.”
5. Holland America Cruises are now called “All-inclusive Euro Skank Barges.”
6. Jazz Musician Dave Holland is now David Abramowitz Jr.
7. The color “Holland Blue” has been changed to “Blueish.”
8. The Holland Tunnel connecting New York City and New Jersey will now be known as “Vinnie Lavazza’s Butthole” named after Vinnie Lavazza, winner of the “Rename the Holland Tunnel whatever you want” contest.
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.