Former Intergalactic Business Report writer Ed Mountaineer comes back home after a harrowing experience at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Read his story below:
Hi there. It’s Ed Mountaineer. A little while ago I announced I was taking a job with McSweeney’s because it seemed like the kind of place I should be given my intellectualness and cultural growth. It was not. If you want to know the whole ugly story, then read on.
PART ONE: I show up to work?
This is probably one of the most challenging things you can ever do in your life. First, you decide you’re going to totally dedicate yourself to a job and then you need to find where that job is. Add into that the fact that you have no formal job offer and have never had any mutual correspondence with your employer.
PART TWO: So, where is my office?
Like part one of this article, part two focuses on not just where McSweeney’s is located but where my office is once I get there. I never got there because I don’t know where they are. But I do know that wherever they are there is an office there that’s mine. Or was mine, because read below.
PART THREE: I decide to work remotely.
The job that makes most sense for someone like me is management, so I make the decision to make that what I do at McSweeney’s. They need a lot of help. They need to totally switch things around and look for synergies and opportunities in a global economy and they need to be nimble and agile and look for synergies. I can do this stuff from my computer.
PART FOUR: I fucking quit.
After submitting probably thousands of ideas, I can tell none of them are being implemented. Not one synergy located. Not one global opportunity. They are fat and bloated. Not nimble like I told them to be. So I hand in my resignation.
PART FIVE: I have nowhere to hand in my resignation but I still fucking quit.
I pretty much explained everything in the headline above. There’s not much more to say.
PART SIX: I’m done writing now. Good bye.
Again, see above.
We gave Ed his email account back. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.