New warning issued: Reading the Intergalactic Business Report may permanently erode your brain.

By now you may have seen our recent article on a reader who claims an IBR story stole his “life energy.” This caused the Intergalactic Business Report to undertake a full audit of past stories to determine whether we are indeed causing irreparable harm to our audience. The results astounded us.
 
While we stand by our mission to deliver readers news and insights so important they go beyond our galaxy, we also concede that the power behind our articles is sometimes so strong it may bewilder, confuse, and even make them question their sanity. Worst of all, time spent reading IBR articles is time that can never be recovered and is lost forever.
 
Below are some reader comments from the past year that exhibit this frustration. We are reprinting them below to show that we are listening and care what they think.
 
We separated these into three categories: anger, bewilderment, and horror.
 
Anger:
 
“Whoever wrote this is a twat…”
 
“This is utter crap…”
 
“What a load of crap…”
 
“The article was lame and childish…”
 
“Just terrible…”
 
“Shitty literature…”
 
“Clearly none of you have been to journalism school…”
 
 
Bewilderment:
 
“What in the world is this?”
 
“So many things wrong…”
 
“I hope this is a joke…”
 
“The author seems to have no value. Why would anyone want him around?”
 
“I kept waiting for a punchline or something that made the effort to read it worthwhile…Didn’t happen…”
 
 
Horror:
 
“Wtf!!!”
 
“I just wasted life energy reading this piece of shit.”
 
“After reading the Intergalactic Business Report, I now pledge my allegiance to Satan…”
 
“I think my face is on fire…”
 
“Where’s my cat?”
 
“Before I read this, I was young. I just looked in the mirror and I’m an old man.”
 
 
 
If you feel your life has been altered, you have perverse visions, or that your life energy is depleted from reading an Intergalactic Business Reportarticle, please contact us at [email protected].