An otherwise normal day turned to terror for several IBR readers who took the time to read an article we put on the internet. Ed Mountaineer’s essay about Ryan Reynolds inspired several Facebook intellectuals to consider what they had subjected themselves to and then to take the time to post comments expressing their rage about having read something so shitty and weird and garbagy.
Below are some of their horrified reactions:
“That was a shit read…”
“What a fucking empty garbage article…”
“Ed Mountaineer is now on the list of authors I will never read again.”
“So dumb. Not funny.”
As the shock of reading an online article by something called the Intergalactic Business Report which features a cartoon drawing of Ryan Reynolds set in, some readers tried to make sense of the catastrophe they were experiencing.
“I think it’s satire… Weird…” was one theory.
“Who the fuck is Ed Mountaineer?” someone else questioned.
Soon, a more compelling explanation arose—that Ed Mountaineer’s article was not, in fact, just a fucking empty garbage article, but a last gasp, strategic effort to find purpose and meaning in his life through an overtly sexual acrobatic act involving Reynolds’ testicles. This theory stated, eloquently, that Ed’s writing was: “A desperate attempt at trying to be relevant swinging from Ryan’s* balls…”
Finally, a bond among the exasperated men of letters began to form as one of them wrote: “I’m glad not to be the only one that thought this…”
Our editors are thankful he was not alone in thinking this because he may have gone mad believing he was the only one anywhere who thought Ed’s writing sucks. If Ed’s work went on to win major literary prizes, this man would have to wonder if anyone else in the universe could see what he does—that an internet article about a guy who hates Ryan Reynolds mainly because Ryan Reynolds won’t give him access to his location so he can stalk him, is just a pretty bad stupid garbage weird idea without a lot of intellectual or artistic merit.
We can only hope there is some closure for the brave souls who have the courage to post their thoughtful critiques and defend the honor of celebrities who are wronged or misrepresented by dumb shit garbage on the internet.
*You only call Ryan Reynolds “Ryan” if you are a personal friend, which this reader obviously is, making his anger even deeper at Ed’s flagrant attempt to attach himself to Reynolds’ celebrity nuts.
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