Super exclusive excerpt from Ed Mountaineer’s new sci fi novel, Faceblaster.

ED WRITES NOVELS NOW. THESE EXCERPTS ARE TAKEN FROM RANDOM PAGES OF HIS LATEST EPIC, “FACEBLASTER.” 
 
EXCERPT ONE:
 
“Stop trying to make me into a clone!” screamed Clone134xH. 
 
The doctor continued, as if he didn’t hear the plea.
 
“At least make my balls huge?” reasoned Clone134xH.
 
“Then you wouldn’t be an exact clone of Captain Starbuckle.  You’d be him only with giant nuts.”
 
“Please?”
 
“O.K.”
 
ANOTHER EXCERPT:
 
Captain Starbuckle unleashed his penis, which had been hidden beneath his raincoat for what seemed like hours.
 
Space penises like his could detach from their user and go on spy missions. 
 
“Goodbye, penis,” he whispered soulfully. “Come back with the information I need.”
 
 
YET ANOTHER:
 
In the Blorodorian Galaxy only Flatutions were allowed to grope at the pulsating statue nipples. But Jeff did it anyway.
 
“Bleepz! Bleepz!” The nipples sounded the alarm, bringing the temple centurions out of their guard’s nests. 
 
“You have violated space law 334!” one of them shouted.
 
Jeff squeezed his nuts violently, transporting him to the year 1983 on Earth. 
 
“Well hello, Michael Jackson,” he said.
 
“Hello, Jeff,” Michael replied.
 
AND ANOTHER EXCERPT:
 
Four trillion years was a long time to grow a penis, thought Captain Starbuckle as he gazed upon his massive tool. 
 
“Can we use it like a bridge? And walk back to Earth?” questioned Chorgo.
 
“Hop on and let’s find out,” Starbuckle cheered.
 
 
Look for Ed’s book at bookstores everywhere soon? -The Editors.