In a surprise move, the Intergalactic Business Report announced a brand new writing award and then announced a winner a few seconds later. The award, called the IBR Genius Prize for Writing, is similar to others the publication has revealed in recent months, including one for greatest human being on Earth, given to Vanderpump Rules’ Tom Sandoval, and another for the seduction strategies of fictional character Jack Sheridan on Netflix’s Virgin River.
Dusty Latouffe, Supreme Editor of the Intergalactic Business Report, said the decision to award the prize came when he and his editorial staff came upon a writer who embodied everything his magazine is about.
“It’s not often we come across a talent so strong and so obvious that we need to immediately recognize his talent as a writer and thinker,” Latouffe explains.
The award carries a non-paid cash prize of zero dollars as well as a senior writing position with the Intergalactic Business Report (also unpaid). “It’s life-changing for the recipient,” Latouffe says.
But the Genius Prize winner presents a problem to the IBR staff. Since he was found in a stock photo they came across on the internet, they have no idea who he is. The mystery man, pictured holding his writing, has been given a temporary John Doe name of Sir Frodo Chillingsworth Langbottoms the Third by Latouffe’s editorial staff. “We just started calling him that,” Latouffe says, “Because it seemed easier than just calling him ‘that guy.’ Someone used that as a placeholder name and it just stuck.”
Will Sir Frodo accept the award? Latouffe doesn’t know, but he hopes the man will eventually reach out and accept a writing position with the publication. “He has everything it takes to be a major contributor at IBR,” Latouffe mentions. “I see him in the mold of Ed Mountaineer and Cedric Bigglestone, but even bigger. He has so much more to say.”
For now, the Intergalactic Business Report will have to admire Sir Frodo Chillingsworh Langbottoms the Third from afar and wait for him to contact them, primarily because Latouffe’s magazine “does not have the ‘organizational intelligence’ to track down a person from a stock photo.” Latouffe adds, “That’s detective shit.”
If you have any recommendations for future prizes the Intergalactic Business Report should award, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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