IBR year in review. We defied the critics by keeping you informed while staying drunk for an entire year.
Usually when the Intergalactic Business Report does a year in review article, our purpose is to recycle old stories you never read and link to them so you’ll think about clicking but don’t because why? Come to think of it, why does anyone ever read any “year in review” article? The year just ended. Did you already forget what happened? If you did, you may need a “day in review” article and it should include a lot of stuff about whether you already used the bathroom and put on clothes because that would be useful we’re guessing.
Anyway… Here’s our year in review:
We began 2020 in a blissful, Coronavirus- is-a-joke-about-Corona-beer-ha-ha state, so we focused on helping our beloved Gary Vaynerchuck with his messaging; making an impassioned plea for who should really get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; and informing you about the seven mistakes you may be making when you wipe your butt, which became extremely valuable during the butt-wiping crisis of subsequent months.
By March, IBR got serious about COVID-19 with its award-winning coverage of the pandemic. We started with insightful pieces about how corporations were addressing the issue and what the Coronavirus had wiped out forever in our culture.
But we went further than just reporting. We also actively searched for and found solutions. Writer Ed Mountaineer tried to beat the virus by becoming the dirtiest man on the planet, and we even contacted an alien race for help. We exposed the “hot beef injection” vaccine scam, and even discovered that Hawaiian Punch may be better than a vaccine. Finally, we found that the cure for the virus may be either shutting the fuck up or ending our tradition of breathing.
Along the way, we won awards; opened a controversial merch store; reported on the massive increase in the U.S. masturbation rate; and established our own autonomous zone where we are immune to all laws and judgment. We also finally called out actor Ryan Reynolds for his existence and the country of Germany for its ongoing attitude that it’s better than us.
Our greatest accomplishment came when our readership finally passed the 436 Trillion mark, making us the most viewed publication in the universe.
We thank you, our loyal subjects, for your continued interest and patience. We believe that 2021 will be a year of magic and delight and we can’t wait to get started.* Until then, don’t just click on the links above. Look through our archives, store, and thought-provoking memes and start becoming a better person today.
*We wrote this before it started. Whoops. It sucks already.
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